that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
