apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
