toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
