Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
