dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
