Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
