the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
