You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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only if we run a train.
done.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
