I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
