Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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