I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
