they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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