the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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