Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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