her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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