I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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