I cut my penus on the lid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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