She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
