So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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