you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
