i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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