In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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