We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
