you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
