I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
