I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
