if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
