I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You are a genius and a whore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
