Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
