Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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