I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
