Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
