singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
