HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
