Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
