they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
