i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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