Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
