FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
