We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
