I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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