Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they're like a gay fantastic four
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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