Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
