If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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