Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
