How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
