Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
