I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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