So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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