I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
