I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
