The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
