were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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