Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
