I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
