I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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