my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
