mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
