This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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