My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
