so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
