a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
