Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
