Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
