i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
