Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
