I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
