i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
