I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
