# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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