You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
