With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
