I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
