you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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