My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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