How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
