Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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