I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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