He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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