I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
