Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
