i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
