At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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