Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
