You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
