At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and she was petting her beer can
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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