whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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