I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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