6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize