Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
