My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
