Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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