have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize