You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
